Intentional Mothering

If you read my recent post about the potluck dinner recipes, at the end I mentioned that I would be soon be blogging about something for mothers. It's one of those things that has been on my mind for a little while. I don't write too often about mothering, because having adult children and grandchildren, I am past that season of my life. But as I thought about that, I'm really not. God gives us our children for a lifetime. We are still mothers when our children are grown and on their own, it is just that our roles have changed. No longer are we spending our days changing diapers, rocking babies, disciplining toddlers, supervising playtime, wiping faces and noses and hands, making meals and feeding little ones, and picking up toys. We are not dealing with homework and music lessons and curfews and giving rides to all kinds of activities. But as moms of adult children, we move to answering questions about recipes and stain removal and fevers. We have the privilege of praying for them and their families and their ministries.We encourage and support them in what God is having them do. That is why I say that just because our children are grown, our job as mothers does not cease.

And that leads me to the question that this blog post is about....what is our goal in mothering? I used to think that the answer to that question was to eventually work ourselves out of a job when our children leave home. But if our role of motherhood is a lifetime gift and commitment, then that is not true. If we would say that our goal is to raise happy and healthy children and see them go out on their own to fulfill their dreams, I say that we have missed the point. God never tells us that the happiness of our children is the most important thing. The question we should be asking is: What is God's design for mothering? The answer to that question, I believe, is that our mothering is to glorify God. 1 Cor. 10:31 reminds us that "whether we eat or drink, or whatsoever we do, do all to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 6:20 also tells us, "For ye are bought with a price, therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's."

Having the view that God's design for mothering is to glorify Him will help us to mother intentionally. When we are in the seemingly endless, sleep-deprived baby and toddler years, we can remind ourselves that we are not just going through the motions day after day, but we are to be doing everything in a way that brings glory to God, both now in the everyday nitty-gritty, and with the future in view. I recently found this quote from Elisabeth Elliott:

"This job has been given to me to do. Therefore, it is a gift. Therefore, it is a privilege. Therefore, it is an offering I may make to God. Therefore, it is to be done gladly, if it is done for Him. Here, and not somewhere else and doing something else, I may learn God's ways. In this job, not some other, God looks for faithfulness."

God doesn't want us to just persevere and get through the difficult seasons of motherhood. He wants us to have joy in knowing that we are doing what we are doing to bring glory to God. When the children grow older and we are grappling with decisions and situations about friends, activities, and education, always keeping in sight the thought that our mothering is to glorify God will help tremendously when it comes to making those choices and decisions. Does it glorify God to promote this outside interest or activity if it means our child is missing church? Does it glorify God when we permit friendships that are going to be a negative influence on our children?

As mothers of adult children, we still need to mother with the intention of glorifying God. Many mothers have trouble transitioning to a role which means they are not involved with their adult children's life and decisions on a daily basis. When we understand the Biblical teaching that our adult married children are to "leave and cleave", then letting them do just that glorifies God. Upholding them in prayer, and finding ways to encourage and support them as they raise their families brings glory to God.

Intentional mothering. It means realizing that God gave us our children as a gift to be given back to Him. It means living out our role as a mother in a way that will ultimately bring God the glory.

Thoughtfully,
Kathi

What are you bringing to the potluck?

That was a popular question last week, as this past Sunday we had a potluck dinner at church after our morning service. After much debate, I decided on Beef and BeanTaco Casserole, 7-Layer Salad, and Zucchini-Spice Cupcakes with Caramel Frosting. I dedicated part of my Saturday to cooking and promised I would post the recipes and pictures on this week's blog. There wasn't a morsel left of any of them!

Part of my reason for making the Beef and Bean Taco Casserole was selfish: it is gluten-free, so by making it I was ensuring that there would be at least one main dish there that I could eat! The other reason is - it's easy and SO yummy! I make it often. The recipe is originally from Food.com.

Beef and Bean Taco Casserole

2 cups broken tortilla chips
1 lb. ground beef
chopped green onions (amount to taste)
1 package taco seasoning mix
1 15 oz. can refried beans
1 16 oz. jar salsa
1 cup shredded cheddar cheese
1 cup chopped tomatoes
1/2 cup chopped green pepper, optional
1/2 cup sliced black olives, optional
for topping - shredded lettuce, sour cream and additional tomatoes and tortilla chips

Heat oven to 350. Place broken chips in bottom of sprayed oblong baking dish. In a large skillet, brown the ground beef and onion, drain. Return to pan and stir in refried beans, taco seasoning, and salsa. Bring to a boil, stirring often. Remove and pour over the tortilla chips. Sprinkle with chopped tomatoes, cheese, and bell pepper and olives if using. Bake for 20-30 minutes or until bubbly. When serving, top with lettuce, additional tomatoes, sour cream and additional chips.

The 7-layer salad is an old recipe which is usually brought to a potluck by someone! This time that someone was just me. You can vary the ingredients for this according to what your family likes and what you have on hand. It is pretty as well as tasty.

7-Layer Salad

1 head iceberg lettuce, chopped

chopped green pepper

sliced carrots

chopped broccoli or cauliflower

10 oz. package frozen peas, thawed

1 cup shredded cheddar cheese

several slices of crisp cooked bacon

dressing -  1 1/4 cups mayonnaise, 2 T sugar, 2 tsp. vinegar

Place lettuce in the bottom of a large clear glass bowl, and layer ingredients in order given, pressing down lightly between layers. Whisk together the dressing ingredients and spread over the top. Chill well.

I decided on the cupcakes because I had zucchini on hand, and cupcakes seemed like a good way to go. This recipe was recommended by my sister and is originally from Taste of Home. It was a good thing I kept a few out for my husband or he wouldn't have gotten any!

Zucchini-Spice Cupcakes with Caramel Frosting

3 eggs

1 1/3 cups sugar

1/2 cup oil

1/2 cup orange juice

1 tsp almond extract (I used vanilla because I was out of almond!)

2 1/2 cups all-purpose flour

2 tsp. baking powder

1 tsp. baking soda

1 tsp. salt

2 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. ground cloves

1 1/2 cups shredded peeled zucchini

In mixing bowl, beat eggs, sugar, oil, orange juice, and extract. Combine dry ingredients and add to the egg mixture. Mix well. Fold in zucchini and mix well. Fill paper-lined cupcake pans 2/3 full. Bake at 350 for 20-22 minutes or until test done. Cool on wire rack before frosting.

Caramel Frosting

1 cup brown sugar, packed

1 stick margarine or butter

1/4 c. milk

1 tsp. vanilla

2 cups confectioners sugar

Combine brown sugar, butter, and milk in saucepan and bring to a boil over medium heat. Cook and stir for 2 minutes. Remove and stir in vanilla. Cool to lukewarm. Gradually beat in confectioners sugar until frosting is spreading consistency. If it is too runny, place in refrigerator for a few minutes. Frost cupcakes. Makes 1 1/2 to 2 dozen.

As a bonus recipe, I am going to share my recipe for Lemonade Pie. I have had this recipe for a long time and had forgotten about it. I found it when looking for another recipe, and it is such an easy and refreshing dessert for summer!

Lemonade Pie

1 graham cracker crust

1 14 oz. can sweetened condensed milk

1 small can (or half a large can) of frozen lemonade

1 tub Cool Whip

Let lemonade soften, but not thaw completely. Mix with condensed milk. Fold in cool whip. pour into crust, and freeze for several hours. That's it!

I hope you will be inspired to try one or more of these! Happy cooking! Speaking of being inspired, look for a post in the next couple days about mothering.

Kathi

Pulling the Tough Weeds

This week marks one year since I launched this blog! In beginning this new endeavor last July, I felt that I was following the leading of the Lord to share the things that He is teaching me and attempt to be a help and encouragement to those who might read it. In this first year much has happened and my posts have covered a wide variety of events and topics. I truly enjoy writing it and giving you a small glimpse into my heart and life, and I hope it has been a blessing to you in some small way.

For those who might be wondering, my patient is progressing, although it seems to be in baby steps to us - certainly much more slowly than he would like. He is now walking with a cane and continues with physical therapy sessions three times a week, twice-weekly blood draws and doctor checks, and of course the dreaded CPM machine. The machine does seem to be helping, although he has yet to put in 8 hours a day on it. Most days it is more like 3 hours, especially now that he is attempting to spend a few hours each day in his office at the church.

My caregiving responsibilities are slowly lessening, although my life is still far from my normal routine. Mostly that is because as long as my husband remains unable to drive, my days revolve around driving him to and from church, PT, and the blood draw and doctor appointments. I have found that with all that is happening lately, the Lord seems to be giving me an abundant supply of lessons to blog about. I sit down at the computer and thoughts are swirling around my brain like a snowstorm. Today I want to write about an unlikely topic: weeds.

One thing husband has always especially enjoyed is yard work and lawn care. He loves to mow, trim, fertilize, plant flowers, and just in general keep our yard and landscaping looking nice. I had to take over the lawn mowing for a few weeks prior to his surgery, and let's just say that I am not nearly as good at it as he is! Our son and now one of the young men from our church took over that responsibility, for which I am very grateful. My job is one of pulling weeds. I try to go around the flower beds and landscaping a couple times a week and just keep up with the weeds. The other night while my husband was outside walking in the driveway with his cane, we noticed that there were some HUGE weeds around our mailbox. I tried my best to pull them, but there was no way. They were a lot stronger than I was. This morning a kind man and his son from church came by to offer their assistance with our yard work, and they went to work pulling up those weeds. When they did, it was evident why I had such difficulty with them: the roots were deep and they were huge!

As I thought about those big, tough weeds and how their deep strong roots had given them such stability, I couldn't help but think about the weeds we all have in our lives.

• Weeds are usually ugly. They don't produce pretty flowers or anything of beauty.
• Weeds crowd out the good things. If you don't keep up with them on a regular basis, they will very quickly take over the flower beds.
• Weeds require work to get rid of them.
• Weeds are given stability by their roots. If you want to permanently remove the weeds, you have to remove the roots. Otherwise, they will come back. Sooner rather than later. 

The Bible doesn't have a lot to say about weeds, other than the familiar parable about the sower and the seed. One of the types of ground that is described is the thorny - full of weeds which choked out the good seed as it had been sown and was attempting to grow. If we don't keep up with pulling out the weeds of sin and influence of the world in our lives, the seed of the Word of God and the good He wants to accomplish from it will be choked out by the abundance of weeds that we haven't taken care of.

The Bible does, however, talk a lot about roots. There are both good roots (Jeremiah 17:7-8), which when rooted in Christ without the involvement of sin give us spiritual nourishment and health, and bad roots which come from sin and need to be removed. They are what will eventually produce weeds in our lives. One of those bad roots is the root of bitterness in Hebrews 12:15: "Looking diligently, lest any man fail of the grace of God, lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled." Bitterness is a weed that begins as a root and unless it is dealt with will grow into something which not only troubles us, but will spread to others. And did you notice that the verse begins by the admonishment to be "looking diligently'? You have to be on guard for those seeds of sin and bitterness which may have already taken root in your life.

What roots and weeds do you have in your life today? Do you need to spend some time with God and do some weed-pulling? If you don't, they will eventually take over your life!

Till next time,
Kathi

Practicing Gratitude

I wish I could say that things at our house have improved a whole lot since last week. I really do. But they haven't. The days of inactivity when my husband was admitted to the hospital for a second time due to having blood clots have resulted in a considerable delay in his recovery. At his post-surgery appointment earlier this week, the doctor was pleased with the healing of his incision, but not with his progress. He prescribed a machine that flexes the knee constantly (Constant Passive Motion) for my husband to use at home up to 8 hours a day, as well as intensive out-patient physical therapy sessions. At this point, more than two weeks after surgery, he is still using a walker because of his inability to raise his leg on his own, which is very discouraging. Driving him to PT and doctor and blood draw appointments is up to me, along with a good share of his daily care. We long for things to get back to "normal" and for him to be able to return to his shepherding of the flock God has given us.

I will be honest. This has been a very difficult time for me. I get tired and with the lack of progress I become discouraged. This trial of surgical complications is added to the trials of my mother-in-law passing away and problems in ministry and the burden of having a house that still hasn't sold. I wake up early in the morning and do a lot of praying. During this time, I am rehearsing something I learned years ago that helps in times of discouragement: choosing gratitude.

Gratitude is one of the main ways that God brings joy to our hearts. When we exercise faith to see the blessings as we pray about our problems, God promises to meet us with peace. (Phil. 4:6-7). It is a matter of perspective. I can choose to focus on the problems and the negatives, or I can focus on the blessings God has given me.

A book that I found to be truly life-changing is "Choosing Gratitude" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. I have read through it at least twice as well as developed a study guide to use with it. The following is a quote from "Choosing Gratitude."

"In those moments when I have found myself gasping for air, feeling that I was going under, I've discovered that gratitude truly is my life preserver. Even in the most turbulent waters of life, choosing gratitude rescues me from myself and my runaway emotions. It buoys me on the grace of God and keeps me from drowning in what otherwise would be my bent toward doubt, negativity, discouragement, and anxiety."

Many years ago I was challenged to make a list every day of five things I was thankful for that day. Some days it was easy...some days it was a challenge to come up with even three things. It was eye-opening, to say the least. I could not believe the change in my perspective as I began actively looking for things each day that I could be grateful for. No matter how bad the day, if I made the effort and the choice to be grateful, I was rewarded with the peace and contentment that came from recognizing God's faithfulness through His gifts of grace to me.

I have since gotten away from that habit of listing things I can be grateful for, but in recent days I have once again been focusing on choosing to be grateful. I am thankful for wonderful supportive children, including a son who was willing to drop everything and come to stay with me and be involved in his dad's care. I am thankful for good doctors and therapists and medical care. I am thankful for health insurance. I an thankful for a comfortable, air-conditioned home for him to recover in. I am thankful that I am able to be at home and to care for my husband. I am thankful for a loving church family. I am thankful for the gift and privilege of prayer. And even more than those blessings, I am thankful for God Himself - His presence, His love, His Word, and for the assurance that nothing ever happens to me without first passing through the hands of my Heavenly Father.

Gratefully,
Kathi

How's Your Walk?

Things have been quiet on the blog lately, I know. That's because I have been occupied with other responsibilities these last three weeks. Two weeks ago, I had the privilege of keeping my 22-month old granddaughter while her parents ministered at the Wilds Camp in North Carolina. She spent the week with me at the home of our daughter who lives nearby, so we had FOUR little girls, 5 and under! We had a great week and made a lot of fun memories.

Two days after I arrived home, it was time for the BIG event: my husband's total knee replacement surgery. Two days after we came home from the hospital, he was re-admitted for not one, but FOUR blood clots. As of today we are home again (hopefully to stay) and it is one week post-surgery. At this point I think we both would say that as much as we thought we were prepared for this surgery and subsequent recovery period, it is much harder than we thought it would be. For my husband, the pain, swelling, limitations and general lack of mobility are very difficult. For me, I had under-estimated the extent of care he would need and the amount of time it was going to require. Helping with three extensive physical therapy sessions a day, dispensing medication, ice packs, changing dressings, helping to walk and dress and shower, and keeping up with extra laundry and cleaning (because everything has to be kept very clean) is a full-time job. I am so grateful that our son was able to be here with me for the surgery and first hospital stay, and for our church family who are willing and ready to help in any way they can.

A major part of my husband's recovery process is an intensive physical therapy program. One of the things he found most surprising (as well as challenging) was that he needed to learn to walk all over again! That's because over the 27 years since he originally injured his knee, he had fallen into bad habits in his walking which he wasn't even aware of, in order to avoid pain. His physical therapist in the hospital observed him walking and quickly began to implement steps toward correcting the way he walked. She emphasized striking with the heel first and walking in a rolling motion, keeping the knees and feet straight. In order to achieve this, my husband had to slow down and consciously think about his posture, hip alignment, and each and every step. It was practice, practice, practice.

One morning while my son was still here, I was able to go out for an early-morning walk. As I was walking, I couldn't help but be more aware of the way I was walking, and remember the things we had learned about walking correctly during the physical therapy sessions in the hospital. I then began to think about the parallel between that and our spiritual walk with the Lord. So often we have fallen into various bad habits over time, and we aren't even aware that we are not walking with the Lord the way we should. If we continue in those bad habits and harmful patterns that we have established, eventually our walk with God will worsen and will result in all kinds of difficulties for us spiritually. 

The Bible has a lot to say about our spiritual walk. When I did a search for "walk" using a concordance, I got 203 references! I plan to start doing a personal study on what the Bible says about our Christian walk, but just to get started, consider these:

"For ye shall walk after the Lord your God, and fear Him, and keep His commandments and obey His voice, and ye shall serve Him and cleave unto Him. " (Deut. 13:4)

"My son, walk not in the way with them, refrain thy foot from their path" (Proverbs 1:15)

"For we walk by faith and not by sight." (2 Cor. 5:7)

"If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." (Gal. 5:25)

"And walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us and hath given Himself for us an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet smelling savor."  (Eph. 5:2) and "See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but wise." (Eph. 5:15)

"Walk in wisdom toward them that are without, redeeming the time." (Col. 4:5)

"He that saith he abideth in Him ought also to walk even as he walked." (1 John 2:6)

Lots to think about, huh? These are just the tip of the iceberg of what the Bible tells us about how we should walk. These days I am paying a lot more attention to the way I walk physically, and that reminds me that I need to pay just as much attention to the way I walk as a Christian. So....how's your walk?

Blessings, 

Kathi

A Spiritual Checkup

I am writing this blog post on an afternoon following having spent the entire morning in the dentist chair, getting some rather extensive work done. I feel fine, but then I am still pretty much completely numb! The need for this work was revealed during a recent dental check up. And as I am writing this,  I am also thinking about the next big event coming up in our lives (12 days away, to be exact) which is my husband's knee replacement surgery. Because he is quite a bit younger than the average total knee-replacement patient, the decision to have this surgery done at this time in his life was not easy, but it got a lot easier as his pain grew and his mobility lessened! The knee replacement is a result of a sports injury that happened almost 27 years ago, so we have known this was coming for a long time.

Part of the preparation for his surgery involved both of us attending a mandatory class to educate us on what the surgery and recovery process was going to entail and what to expect, and also he had to undergo an array of doctor appointments and pre-op tests. He had a battery of tests done, a checkup with his primary care physician to clear him for surgery, and a final appointment with the surgeon last week. All systems are go and we are now just waiting for the big day. 

All of these appointments and medical issues have gotten me thinking about something. What if in addition to our medical doctor appointments and checkups, we underwent a spiritual checkup? As we look at the Bible, there are quite a few verses that remind us of the importance of regularly examining ourselves. In Psalm 119:59  the Psalmist says "I thought on my ways..." 2 Cor. 13:5 - "Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith, prove your own selves." There are many verses in both the Old and New Testaments that tell us to "take heed to ourselves."

Why do we need a spiritual checkup? Basically, because we often do not stop and realize "what manner of spirit we are of." (Luke 9:55). Self-deception comes so easily! We can fool ourselves into thinking we are much different than what we really are. It is possible to be a Christian and follow Christ for a long time, and yet still react out of human rationalization and the old flesh, rather than by applying Biblical principles. 

I'd like to give you just a few dangerous spirits we need to examine ourselves for:

1. Do I have a Martha spirit? Martha is one of my favorite characters in the Bible, probably because I can really identify with her! She loved the Lord, but she didn't take time to just listen to Him. 

2. Do I have an inconsistent spirit? Am I up one day, down the next? This tells me that my contentment is based on my circumstances rather than on my relationship with God. 

3. Do I have a contentious spirit? Do I love to argue and debate, and strive to prove my point? Do I cause problems because of my attitude?

4. Do I have a controlling spirit? Women especially seem to have a problem with wanting to be in control - I think it goes back to Eve in the Garden of Eden! Do we want to manage people and situations to our desired result?

5. Do I have an apathetic spirit? Apathy is just going through the motions of the Christian life, or just going along with the flow whether it is right or wrong. It is basically laziness.

Well, I could go on, but you get the idea. Sometimes we just need to stop and pay attention to ourselves. We need to ask, "What manner of spirit we are of."  In all of this, our physician is the Great Physician - if we have a humble heart and ask the Lord to reveal any problems in our hearts, He will be faithful to show us. Here's to a great spiritual checkup!

Till next time,

Kathi

Life's Rainy Days

Rainy days. Yes, today is the third solid rainy day in a row. These days are good for cleaning projects, lighting scented candles, baking cookies, and reading but not for much else. The walks and the yard work and the enjoying the flowers on the patio with my morning coffee all have to be put off. I find myself anxiously looking forward to when the sun will come pouring through the windows once again. And since the name of my blog is "The Light in My Window," meaning not only the window to our home but the window into what is happening in my life, it is very fitting that the rainy days outside mirror what is going on in my life these days. Because some days it seems there is very little light coming in my window. And I welcome seeing the sun shine once again.

I recently came across something that has been a huge help to me and I would like to share it with you. It is a quote by John Newton, who is best known as the writer of the hymns "Glorious Things of Thee are Spoken" and "Amazing Grace." Here it is:

"I compare the troubles which we have to undergo in the course of the year to a great bundle of sticks far too large for us to lift. But God does not require us to carry the whole bundle at once. He mercifully unties the bundle, and gives us first just one stick which we are to carry today, and then another one which we are to carry tomorrow. We can easily manage our troubles if we would only carry the trouble appointed for each day. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden today, and then add the burdens of tomorrow."

There is much truth in those statements. I am reminded of Matt. 6:34 where Jesus tells us, "Take therefore no thought for the morrow, for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

But the thing that I have been struggling with lately is that not only do I have a bundle of sticks of my own to carry, but being the wife of a pastor means we have a second bundle of sticks that represent the troubles of the dear ones God has entrusted to us in our congregation. Even after all these years in the ministry it never ceases to amaze me what some people's perceptions are when it comes to what their pastor does. I actually had someone tell me one time that they thought all a pastor did was sit in his office and read his Bible all day long! (Just typing that still makes me laugh!) A lot of people think a pastor comes and goes as he pleases and delivers messages on Sundays and Wednesday nights. And maybe visits sick people in the hospital. People do not see the many (many) sleepless nights, the tears shed, the missed meals, the agonizing decisions, the phone calls at all hours, the hours spent in prayer, the changed plans. My husband is not only a preacher, but he is a pastor, and that means he has a pastor's heart. And as his wife, what he goes through, so do I.

But back to those sticks. The fact remains that even though we may have more bundles of sticks than our share to carry, God still handles it the same way. He gives us exactly what we can carry one day at a time. We can trust Him to know what is best. And to help us carry the sticks He hands us, He also gives us the encouragement of the Holy Spirit and His Word. On these rainy days, both literal and figurative, I have found some special verses this week:

1 Timothy 1:12 - "I thank Christ Jesus our Lord, who has enabled me, for He counted me faithful, putting me into the ministry." We didn't put ourselves into the ministry - God did. And it is He who enables us.

Hebrews 6:10 - "For God is not unjust to forget your work and labour of love which ye have showed in His name, that ye have ministered to the saints and do minister." God is aware of all of it.

and lastly, Hebrews 12:2-3 (I have been reading through Hebrews) - "Looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him that endured such contradictions of sinners against himself, lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds." Yes, we have been weary and faint in our minds. But if we keep our focus on Jesus, who went through so much for us and is the whole reason we minister, we shall keep going.

If you have read this far, thank you for sticking with me. I know this post sounds a little sober. But I hope that the quote or the Scripture verses or the thoughts are a help and encouragement to you on your rainy days. And I am looking forward to an abundance of sunshine - soon!

Lovingly,
Kathi