This past week in preparation for Resurrection Sunday, in my quiet time with the Lord I have been re-reading passages about the crucifixion and resurrection and meditating on them. I parked for awhile in John 21. It was after the resurrection and Jesus had just revealed Himself to His disciples. Put yourself in their place and think about how they must have felt. They had been completely broken and discouraged at the death of their beloved Jesus. I can't begin to fathom their joy when they finally understood who He was and that He really was alive. But it was verse 15 that really stopped me, when Jesus put this question to Peter: "Lovest thou me more than these?"
"More than these". I couldn't stop thinking about what the "these" refers to. I think it means anything that we are loving and holding onto more than the Lord. Those things that keep us from loving Him and trusting Him like He wants us to. I think "these" is different for all of us.
This Easter is once again a first for us - the first time in 22 years that we are not celebrating the Resurrection with a congregation that my husband is pastoring. Easter weekend was always one of my favorite, and also one of the busiest, times of the year for us. My husband always liked having a Good Friday service, and we also often had Easter sunrise services. I recall many years and precious memories of Easter breakfasts, cantatas, and special services. It was busy, but we loved it - and we truly did those things with the intention of giving God the glory for the death and resurrection of His Son. I miss those times so much.
Along with missing ministry life, as I already mentioned the past three weeks have been full of events both good and bad. Last weekend, I was privileged to have the wonderful opportunity to speak at a Mother-Daughter Luncheon at a church in northern Maryland. I thoroughly enjoyed it and the Lord was so gracious in giving me clarity of thought and the words to hopefully encourage the ladies there in their walk with the Lord. He also answered my prayers for safety since I drove up and back by myself. Again, I haven't had the opportunity to speak or teach for a year and for one who loves it as much as I do, that has been hard. I am trying just to wait upon the Lord and trust Him.
Two weeks ago tonight, I took my husband to the emergency room in the middle of the night for chest pains and pressure that he began experiencing at work. The doctors were concerned because he has an extensive family history of heart disease and because of his symptoms. It was a stress-filled two nights and two days in the hospital while many tests were run, and we were so grateful when all of the results came back that it was not heart related and he was released.
Presently my husband is at the doctor for a bad burn he got on his arm at work a few weeks ago that has become badly infected. He has a busy week of work ahead of him, and then will be out of town working at another restaurant location for a week. So now you can see what I mean about it being a crazy time for us here. And while all this is going on, I am still adjusting to my job and a new routine working full-time. I can't help but think about the differences between a year ago and now, and these events being a part of His plan for us.
As I ponder all of this, the answer to the "more than these" question came to me. For me, the "these" means the past and all the unanswered questions. I think the Lord was asking me if I love Him more than wanting to know the answers. Do I love HIM more than I love the ministry? Do I love HIM more than things I don't have anymore and more than people that I miss? This has been such a convicting question for me to mull over.
We all have the "these" in our lives which threaten to keep us from loving God like we should. It may be our possessions, our home, our families, our friends, our jobs, our hopes and dreams...the list is endless. Once we recognize that there are "these things" that we love more than we love Him, we then need to surrender them to Him and learn to trust even those things to His wise providence.
Happy Resurrection Sunday!
Love,
Kathi
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