In the Night

Somehow when I began this blog, I did not envision myself sitting at the computer and writing at 4 a.m., and yet that is exactly where I am. I have a headache and am tired, and I hesitate to even post this in case it does not make sense in the light of day. This is all a result of the events of the past few days. Tuesday morning (just 3 days ago?) I underwent an ultrasound in hopes of finding the cause of the stomach issues that have been plaguing me for the past few months. The cause of my stomach problems has not been found, but what they did find was something completely unexpected and unrelated - a mass on my left kidney. So in a few short hours I will be on my way to the hospital for a CT scan to determine whether this mass is in fact a cyst or a tumor. And of course, since I never do things the easy way, it is complicated by the fact that I have a previous history of having an allergic reaction to the dye used in the IV. As a result I have been given the dubious label of "high-risk." I was required as a precaution to undergo this procedure at the hospital rather than the previously chosen medical center, and also required to begin a regimen of Prednisone and other medication, in addition to the lovely barium contrast I have to drink. Which explains why I am sitting here in the middle of the night rather than tucked into my bed fast asleep, since Prednisone is known for causing sleeplessness, sweats, and all the other things I am currently experiencing.

The best place for me to be in the middle of this long night seemed to be in my favorite recliner chair with my Bible. I read a few Psalms in an attempt to focus my mind on the right thoughts, and then was drawn to Psalm 91. The first 2 verses say, "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will abide in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say to the Lord, "My refuge and my fortress, My God, in Whom I will trust."

I love the thoughts in verse 1. The only way to stay in someone's shadow is to be very, very close to them. It tells me that when I stay so close to my Heavenly Father that I will abide in the protection and intimacy of His shadow. I picture a small child trying to stay walking in the shadow with his father. That's how I feel. Verse 2 is equally precious, because it reminds me that the Lord is my refuge - my place of protection - and my fortress - my place of strength. And He is MY God, personally, in whom I will trust. The word "will" is a word of decisiveness and determination.

These are the verses I will carry with me in a few hours when I take the remainder of my medication and check in at the hospital, have my IV started (which is never an easy thing for me, since I have always been notorious for being difficult to start an IV on), and under go this scan that I have no idea of the outcome of. My God is with me! And so is my husband, for which I am very grateful.

I just want to close by saying that if you were not expecting this blog to be so serious, I understand. Neither was I. But this is what the Lord has for me these days and I trust it can somehow be a help to you.

Love,
Kathi