A few months ago, our youngest son who is a youth pastor and Christian school teacher, asked me to send him some baby pictures of himself that he needed for a church banquet game. Since scrapbooking is one of my loves, and I have completed well over a dozen albums to date, that was an easy request! Or so I thought. I did not take into account the time I would spend turning the pages of those photo albums and reminiscing about all the memories that suddenly came to life. As women, whether we like it or not, much of our identity is wrapped up in our role of being a mom. Even though we have been empty-nesters officially since 2011 when our youngest got married and moved away, I still sometimes find it hard to accept that our children are all grown up and married, and that phase of my life is over. I loved being a mom and although most of the time I have adjusted well to this new phase of life, sometimes I am overcome with wishing I could have those times back - even for one day. I am so thankful for the opportunity as well as the memories of raising three wonderful children. So what are the things I would like to pass on to younger mothers who are still in this stage of life?
1. Be more intentional about living in the moment. You hear over and over again, "They grow up so quickly." And believe me, they do. I look at my kids now in their 30's and late 20's, who all have their own kids, and I think "How did this happen? When did they grow up?" Take the time to play with them, go places with them, enjoy them, love them - because soon they will be grown and gone. Trust me. Make memories. Some day the mess and the noise will be gone, and your house will be too quiet.
2. Take advantage of the teachable moments. I wish I had done a better job with this. As a busy mom, particularly if you tend to be a perfectionist like me, you find it easier and quicker just to do things yourself rather than teaching your children. Teach them all you can about everyday skills: cooking, baking, cleaning, doing laundry, sewing, gardening, changing a tire, painting a room, fixing a leaking faucet or a toilet. My daughter tells me often how grateful she is that she knows how to cook and bake from scratch - and she makes a mean pie! Take advantage of everyday situations to give them Scripture and spiritual lessons. This is passing on the torch to the next generation.
3. Your child's happiness is not the main thing. This is something that my husband and I often observe in young parents today. They are so concerned about making sure that their child is happy, and that they don't have to suffer any consequences or problems, that they make this their main objective in their parenting decisions. You should be instilling in them a love for and dependence upon the Lord. Life is not always going to be easy, and you can't make it all smooth sailing for them. If they develop a close and personal walk with the Lord, then they will have what they need to get them through the hard times. Making their way easy is not doing them any favors.
4. Don't get caught up in the comparison trap. This is another thing that is very prevalent today, especially with the internet and things like Pinterest. We compare our homes, our decorating ability, our birthday parties, our clothes, our meals, the accomplishments of our children, and you-name-it - and if we don't measure up we feel like a failure. I recently came across this quote, and it is very true: "Comparing ourselves always results in a sinful outcome. If we come up short, we fail to see the hand of God. If we come out ahead, we are dealing with pride." We seek to do our best and be our best by the grace of God, and compare ourselves to God's standards, not the standards and accomplishments of others.
I am sure I could come up with other things, but for now, these are what are on my mind. Life changes. I think of a stanza of a favorite hymn: "Lead to thy God to order and provide, In every change, He faithful will remain." (Be Still My Soul)
Happy Mother's Day to moms everywhere!
Love,
Kathi
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